Post-Meltdown Analysis

I think whatever has been bugging me all this time has passed. This problem started exactly two months, two weeks and two days ago - on my return from South East Asia. When on the plane from Hong Kong back to London I thought that I would settle seamlessly back into my life after my month of travelling and that everything would be OK. Instead, I came home to find sleepless nights and stress and just a feeling of being completely lost. How could things ever be the same after the month I had just had? And aside from this nagging feeling that I didn't belong anywhere, I couldn't find a way to fix it.

I feel like this problem has not necessarily been the root of all of the difficulties of the last few months, but has certainly affected how I deal with things. I found that when faced with a dilemma, I could no longer rationalise it as before and deal with it. I would just become frustrated and stressed that my life was no longer focused around having a good time on another continent. It sounds completely ridiculous but the bump back down to earth was enormous - and from a really great height.

Whilst away on my trip, I had my feelings hurt by a friend, and still cannot find a way in my head to sort this out. And I know that since I've been back I've been drinking too much, saying stupid and hurtful things, indulged in completely selfish and self-centered behaviour, been scatty and disorganised, had a short temper and have, at times, been completely impossible. All I can do is apologise and promise that I am on the mend. The answer is not to disregard the feelings of others around me, and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to figure this out.

I am moving forward. Just one little tiny step at a time. If anybody else ever feels as though they're having the same problem, try reading this. It helps:


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.