The Best Breakfast

This arrived this morning. Now I just want to make breakfast all of the time xx

The Friday Feeling

Yesterday was such a completely unexciting day that last night when I sat down to write my blog, I actually fell asleep. So I've figured that actually I shouldn't be so hard on myself as there is a fatal flaw to blogging: When my life is being interesting enough to write about I never have time (or am not sober enough - see disasterous last post), and when I do have time to write, nothing exciting has happened. Maybe I am not, after all, the worst blogger in the world. I am just spare time-deprived.

So yesterday was truly dull. Really. I went to work and then I went home. Wednesday was much more fun - went to a free screening of The Wizard of Oz at MoreLondon with Sam and Matt. It rained, I became numb from sitting on the concrete, but it was all good. So much so that I am planning on going back next Wednesday to watch Strictly Ballroom, probably sans Ollie as kitsch Australian comedies are not his thing - how is this possible?

So today is my last day at Fight for Sight. I had decided to make one of the lovely flourless chocolate cakes from the Daring Bakers recipes, but in my shattered state last night it all went horribly wrong. So am at work (currently on lunch) trying to tie up all of the loose ends at my desk. I am sorry to be leaving as I've had lots of fun times here, but I am also glad to be going back to Uni and the world of lie-ins, midweek drinking binges and 'study' time in the Goldsmiths student union.

Will I ever be ready to give up student life? Probably not. For now I will just click my office-friendly sensible ruby slippers and return home.



You're out of the woods
You're out of the dark
You're out of the night
Step into the sun
Step into the light

Share and Share Alike

It feels good to get things off your chest. Especially with friends and a glass of wine. It reminds you that you aren't always completely mental and that actually...you are fine.

It's good to know.

For the first time in ages I am a happy drunk and not a distressed drunk. I just realised though that a cheese sandwich before bed is probably a mistake. Expect a blog about my weird dreams tomorrow.

Going to get tattoos soon - yay.

Life = not as bad as I sometimes think xx

Post-Meltdown Analysis

I think whatever has been bugging me all this time has passed. This problem started exactly two months, two weeks and two days ago - on my return from South East Asia. When on the plane from Hong Kong back to London I thought that I would settle seamlessly back into my life after my month of travelling and that everything would be OK. Instead, I came home to find sleepless nights and stress and just a feeling of being completely lost. How could things ever be the same after the month I had just had? And aside from this nagging feeling that I didn't belong anywhere, I couldn't find a way to fix it.

I feel like this problem has not necessarily been the root of all of the difficulties of the last few months, but has certainly affected how I deal with things. I found that when faced with a dilemma, I could no longer rationalise it as before and deal with it. I would just become frustrated and stressed that my life was no longer focused around having a good time on another continent. It sounds completely ridiculous but the bump back down to earth was enormous - and from a really great height.

Whilst away on my trip, I had my feelings hurt by a friend, and still cannot find a way in my head to sort this out. And I know that since I've been back I've been drinking too much, saying stupid and hurtful things, indulged in completely selfish and self-centered behaviour, been scatty and disorganised, had a short temper and have, at times, been completely impossible. All I can do is apologise and promise that I am on the mend. The answer is not to disregard the feelings of others around me, and I am sorry that it has taken me so long to figure this out.

I am moving forward. Just one little tiny step at a time. If anybody else ever feels as though they're having the same problem, try reading this. It helps:


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Gemma the Wino

Oh dear, drunk again. If I spent as much time being productive as I did drinking wine I could probably take over the world or something (of course with Sam's help - I am no good at reading maps).

My brain has turned to pate and I am unable to write (Saigon syndrome, anyone?) so in my hungover Saturday morning pinot-soaked haze, I have selected some of my favourite drunken pictures to show that not only do I like a tipple, I indulge far and wide.

Mwah xx




DRUNK IN LONDON:




DRUNK IN MONTREAL:




DRUNK IN TOKYO:




DRUNK IN BERLIN:




DRUNK IN PHNOM PENH:

The Worst Blogger in the World

So this week I have spectacularly crashed and burned from last week. It's not been quite as exciting, but it's quite nice to be at home. Ollie's been working at the studio like a crazy person and hasn't even been getting back until after I've gone to bed so I've been curling up on the couch, surfing the internet looking for pretty new things for the flat.

I love love love the flat but it is still in utter chaos. There are loads of boxes which are still sitting unpacked by the side of the couch. I really need to get stuck into these, but I kind of want some amazing storage options before doing so. Need a big shoe rack for my ever expanding footwear collection and a HUGE bookcase (ideally a big library-style one with a ladder, but I know we don't have the room).

I didn't realise that buying your own place is such a drain on your finances. What's depressing as I am working really long weeks and still recovering from the enormous amounts of money we had to shell out just to get to this stage. I always like being poor and find it a bit of a challenge - you know, shopping on a budget etc etc, but I feel sad that I have this beautiful new flat and can't go out and buy loads of stuff to make it perfect. We decided to paint the bedroom, but it kind of stopped there when we realised that the beautiful ivory light-reflecting paint we loved was £60 a tin and went nowhere.

I think my interior design days are a long way off yet.

So as flat is currently bland and blah, I've been putting off inviting everybody for cocktails, although I know I will need to do this soon so I don't run the risk of looking completely antisocial. Mojitos, I think. We do have an amazing mint plant on the windowsill and some Cuban rum in the freezer which needs to be used up.

Long Time, No Blogging

Oh dearie me. It has been a long time since I last did any writing. In my last blog I had such good intentions to sit down and write and instead had one of the busiest weeks I have had in a long, long time.

Monday - Reunited with my friend Arsie. I met Arsie about 18 months ago in the girls' dorm of a hostel I was staying at in Portland, Oregon. This was her first trip to London, which is all very exciting as I love it when visitors come to stay. I met her at the Sorriso Cafe next to that crazy building with the derelict lighthouse on top where she was sitting with Steven, a guy she met on the Couchsurfing website. After a little while here, we took the very uneventful number 63 back to Peckham Rye and then made out way to the Plough in East Dulwich for a pint and huge plate of bangers'n'mash. How trad.

Tuesday - I worked. There's no need to bore anybody with talk of that. It was not very excited. I was feeling completely knackered, so went straight home to crash on the couch and watch cookery programmes. I found out that Brock was flying into London on Thanksgiving weekend, so got very excited and researched how to make a kick-ass Thanksgiving dinner. Although may need the help of some actual Americans.

Wednesday - OMG went to Rococo to pick up some gorgeous chocolates for the goodie bags. Possibly the most beautiful shop in the world, although I really dislike going to Knightsbridge - always feel distinctly scruffy. A sigh of relief was had when I made it back to the slightly more comfortable surroundings east of Holborn and met Arsie, Steven, Matt and Josh at the Tay Do cafe in Kingsland Road. Amazing Vietnamese food for very little money. Crispy tofu with chilli and lemongrass and steamed rice.

Thursday - Possibly the worst day in a long time. I had to go all the way to Newbury to organise a charity clay pigeon shoot. Worked a thirteen hour day and walked in (collapsed through) my door at 11pm. Country people are fucking weird.

Friday - Went over to Notting Hill after work to have carpet picnic at Josh's flat. He's moving back to Australia so has no furniture and needs to use up all of the booze before he leaves. Who could resist such an invitation. Drank lots and went to the local pub for more bangers'n'mash.

Saturday - Back to Forest Hill for a Brazilian tea party at Alex and Jo's house for their little daughter Anna's first birthday. She may actually be the cutest little thing in the world. We feasted on black bean stew and cheese bread and drank many deliciously strong caipirinhas. By the time the evening rolled around, I could have quite easily slinked home and collapsed into a food-and-booze coma, however, went over to New Cross to see Sam, Laura and Mike in their new flat. Drank lots and lots of wine, sang and danced and walked all the way home with Ollie via Nunhead and a drunken trip to a shop to buy bread and crisps to make crisp sandwiches.

Sunday - Had to say goodbye to Arsie (sad times) so met her for Sunday lunch at Ivans Retreat in Brixton with Ollie and Sam. So sad she's gone home as have really enjoyed hanging out with her this week. I'm going to try and get to San Fran asap.

Sorry this has been a bit of a list of activities, I'm too tired to remember anything more personal than that. Looking forward to bed tonight. Super sleepy xx